Hello Friends and Strangers,
It looks I'm starting a blog and I probably have no idea why.
As a reader, you might wonder why I would want to do such a thing. It's something that's quite random to say the least. Blogs are things of the past, and they seem to be pretty time consuming to maintain. This blog will be wide open for strangers I've never met to read and judge, and I will probably share and write on my inner thoughts that I have never shared with some close friends. You'll surely also find out, if you haven't already, that writing isn't one of my greatest strengths either. I won't even bother to try cover that weakness of mine. Disconnected ideas and senseless rambles may find themselves to be common themes within the joints of words I form.
Intentions are never truly unambiguous, even to oneself, and I might not really know why I am starting a blog. But I think I know. Perhaps this blog is my inner rebellion to the daily life and pressure of having to squeeze out a feeling of productivity and fulfillment in each second that ticks away. There seems to be some relation between this feeling and sense of self-worth, a relationship that I'm not quite acutely conscious of yet, but I cannot forgo to acknowledge its existence. In truth, the act of doing something for the sake of itself alone, (I'm not even sure what that means) for just its pure pleasure or out of randomness, is one that I have tried to suppress and discourage in myself. It's unproductive and a waste of time.
As much as I hate to say this, it's also a feeling that I might miss. My sense of happiness was never always contingent on my ability to do work, yet I've reached a period of time in which times when unproductivity was unmet with feelings of guilt and emptiness seem foreign. Of course, these feelings are not bad or inappropriate--I'd rather feel the need to do something than constantly stay confined within the narrow boundaries of my comfort zone. But there is something unnatural in having my mind and body entrenched in an endless loop of guilt as my primary motivator. Too many times has my work been done by my fear of failing to produce or achieve an arbitrary standard with little underlying meaning. I've come to realize that my motivation to do work is often times fundamentally shallow and reactive, and I find myself reflecting and discovering that I often don't understand why I do the work that I do. The rewards lead to other grander rewards, and in slowly breaking through this breadth of endless web of personal desire, ambition, and greed, my moral bearings and autonomy gradually find themselves dissipating to feelings of shallowness.
It is my wish that I use this blog as a means of relieving myself from this endless loop of productivity and fear that has slowly come to intrude into every aspect of my life. My need to do work should not source itself from paranoia, and my means of doing work to me matters as does the end, because intentions breath into actions their meaning and justice. My blog is not for my resume. By no means am I espousing hedonism (the constant pursuit of pure pleasure) or laziness as the best ways of living life. To some, my concern may appear to be an elitist overreaction, portraying myself as some kind of workaholic that feels the need to display my privileges of having to justify. I can most certainly assure that this far from my intention: 1. I work nowhere as much as I want to (I'm a couch potato and can't help it) 2. This particular reason for starting this blog is for me alone.
Now the question that matters most: Why might you want to read this blog? You might be a friend or someone who knows me, and would like to read about my musings and observations for your own pleasure. You could be some rando on my blog trying to restore your faith in humanity and the American education system's English curriculum (I say to you--good luck!).
Regardless, this blog will be where I share thoughts hidden in the corners of my idea journal that I have been writing for the past two years. I'm not sure if you'll find them useful, and I'll likely be naive at times or often write straight-up wrong ideas about the world and society and my inner-self. But I'll try to keep it interesting! Also, I'll probably write irregularly since I'm not very good with keeping up with things on a consistent basis.
Thanks for reading, and come back another time!
Sonny
It looks I'm starting a blog and I probably have no idea why.
As a reader, you might wonder why I would want to do such a thing. It's something that's quite random to say the least. Blogs are things of the past, and they seem to be pretty time consuming to maintain. This blog will be wide open for strangers I've never met to read and judge, and I will probably share and write on my inner thoughts that I have never shared with some close friends. You'll surely also find out, if you haven't already, that writing isn't one of my greatest strengths either. I won't even bother to try cover that weakness of mine. Disconnected ideas and senseless rambles may find themselves to be common themes within the joints of words I form.
Intentions are never truly unambiguous, even to oneself, and I might not really know why I am starting a blog. But I think I know. Perhaps this blog is my inner rebellion to the daily life and pressure of having to squeeze out a feeling of productivity and fulfillment in each second that ticks away. There seems to be some relation between this feeling and sense of self-worth, a relationship that I'm not quite acutely conscious of yet, but I cannot forgo to acknowledge its existence. In truth, the act of doing something for the sake of itself alone, (I'm not even sure what that means) for just its pure pleasure or out of randomness, is one that I have tried to suppress and discourage in myself. It's unproductive and a waste of time.
As much as I hate to say this, it's also a feeling that I might miss. My sense of happiness was never always contingent on my ability to do work, yet I've reached a period of time in which times when unproductivity was unmet with feelings of guilt and emptiness seem foreign. Of course, these feelings are not bad or inappropriate--I'd rather feel the need to do something than constantly stay confined within the narrow boundaries of my comfort zone. But there is something unnatural in having my mind and body entrenched in an endless loop of guilt as my primary motivator. Too many times has my work been done by my fear of failing to produce or achieve an arbitrary standard with little underlying meaning. I've come to realize that my motivation to do work is often times fundamentally shallow and reactive, and I find myself reflecting and discovering that I often don't understand why I do the work that I do. The rewards lead to other grander rewards, and in slowly breaking through this breadth of endless web of personal desire, ambition, and greed, my moral bearings and autonomy gradually find themselves dissipating to feelings of shallowness.
It is my wish that I use this blog as a means of relieving myself from this endless loop of productivity and fear that has slowly come to intrude into every aspect of my life. My need to do work should not source itself from paranoia, and my means of doing work to me matters as does the end, because intentions breath into actions their meaning and justice. My blog is not for my resume. By no means am I espousing hedonism (the constant pursuit of pure pleasure) or laziness as the best ways of living life. To some, my concern may appear to be an elitist overreaction, portraying myself as some kind of workaholic that feels the need to display my privileges of having to justify. I can most certainly assure that this far from my intention: 1. I work nowhere as much as I want to (I'm a couch potato and can't help it) 2. This particular reason for starting this blog is for me alone.
Now the question that matters most: Why might you want to read this blog? You might be a friend or someone who knows me, and would like to read about my musings and observations for your own pleasure. You could be some rando on my blog trying to restore your faith in humanity and the American education system's English curriculum (I say to you--good luck!).
Regardless, this blog will be where I share thoughts hidden in the corners of my idea journal that I have been writing for the past two years. I'm not sure if you'll find them useful, and I'll likely be naive at times or often write straight-up wrong ideas about the world and society and my inner-self. But I'll try to keep it interesting! Also, I'll probably write irregularly since I'm not very good with keeping up with things on a consistent basis.
Thanks for reading, and come back another time!
Sonny
I felt that.. would definitely would like to hear more.
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